stop and look

i was looking out of the car window yesterday night. suddenly, i felt tired. how long has it been that i have kept walking? no wait... i cant stop!? i'm racing against time (plus i'm not a runner!) i cant afford to slow down. everything is happening so fast. how i wish one day... just one day i could fall asleep empty-minded, not dense with whatever i have to do, have not do or what i've done!

well, a big girl has got to do what a big girl has got to do. i'll have to just keep going till time allows me to stop and look around. in the mean time, sacrifices have to be made. i'll just have to keep the hope of spending one night under the stars alone in some corner of my head... haizzz...

ARGHH!!

help... insomnia for two days is killing me. wht makes it worse... i always have to wake up when my dreams comes to the juicy part. talking abt dreams... -snicker- i had the most wonderful/weird dream last night. it involves a hip hop instructor and selling pan mee..

i dreamt tht my ex-hip hop instructor came back from HK! AND HE'S SELLING PAN MEE... XDDD tht was hilarious... what is more is tht he is still tht cute as never... (despite the apron and flour-white hands) and we were abt to (dont think notty-notty) sit down and chat... MY BLOODY ALARM HAS TO WAKE ME UP!Arghh!!!! this is such a pain man..... >.<

a step back to the past.......

files after files i went through. i realised tht there's not much pictures with my friends. but then... tht makes every picture more valueble. reminiscing all the times we had been through, i realise tht i forgot to tell them 'thank you'. having them around makes life easier. on top of all.... they became a part of me. one by one they came and knock on my door. without realising it, they became the permenant resident of my heart (sound so cliche? so wht, i mean it). though they might not kow it, they mean more to me than they thought.

Ah... Moggie is here! -brb-

Rachel is so happy with wht she's doing know. It make me even happier and relieve. She's really a precious friend to me. having her for more than half of my schooling life, she never fail to come to rescue when i'm in need. Always there when i'm crumbling. Stress, depression, aggression and etc... wtv took me in, she pull me out of it. Always there with comfort, a hand to lend, a shoulder to rely on.

when she had her troubles with her future path, i could do nth at all. i can just be there to listen. now seeing tht time had proven tht she made the right decision, i thank God for blessing such an angel. listening her talking abt her college life, i realise how much she enjoyed it compare to secondary school. i pray tht this wont end here; let it continue, let joy keep existing in every second of her life.

FRANCIS WON!!!

wooohhooooo!!!!! the title says it all... finally after two years... my dreams came true!!! francis finally won the gold medal. i mean!!!! franics marchers finally won the gold meadal. though it's not my possession nor i have any credit in the success but i'm still very happy. all i wanted is my marchers getting a gold medal. when i see them in tears of joy, i felt that the world is surrounded by something sooo good tht nothing can be compared. they came and hugged me, repeating 'thank you'. the only reply i could give was "no, thank you." yes, i should thank them, if it weren't for them, my wish would not have come true. the undescribable happiness will never present itself in my life. i dont understand why they thank me, i did nothing. all i can do is to cheer them from beside.

Dear debbie and z lynn, i own you big this time. i cant really express my gratitude.

Dear all form 5 marchers ( debbie, lynn,meenu,kom and yen yen) you guys are like my children. and as 'mother' i'm really so proud of you tht i dont think i can see the ground anymore.

Dear all the marchers of form 4 and 3, thank you so much for turning a dream to reality. thank you for lessening my guilt for the failure i did last year.

Today onwards, i no more have the burden of failing my dearest children anymore.

Two days! Two days!

18/04/2009.........
it'll be the day i finally able to see my children strut their stunts. to come to think of it, it has been two years ever since i found a life in marching. reminiscing those time on the field, i realised how much i miss it; coming early to school just to get sweaty, staying back after school just to get sunburn, skipping class just to do some last minute brush up, returning home all smashed after one whole long day shouting, yelling, chanting 'one....two'. even with such pain, i found joy. it was the spirit and bond tht was built between marchers. we're like one family. we march together, lost together, cried together. none was left out.

yes, we cried upon losing. it was not because we lost, it was because after all the hard-work and heart we've pour in, we weren't given a recognition. the 2nd year weren't really different,except it was worst. i was the captain and it was my last year. i knew it is a regret i can never undo. NEVER.

i did not enjoyed my time being captain. i pondered on myself the thoughts of winning the parade. i've forgot the most important part ; to have fun. when i finally realised, it was too late. everything is over, nothing could change anything. and so, when i returned this year, i told them (my children) that the gold medal isnt the priority, the process is. i want all of them to enjoy this. i want all of them to have so much fun that even after Sports Day, they'll look at the field as they pass by and think 'how wonderful is it if we still be able to march there like we used to...'

but my second year was not a waste. i was given a group of teenagers who reluctantly forced to join marching. to me, they're like a white piece of paper and it's my responsibility to paint them colourful. i trained them. from the point of going in the line to the point of giving salute. i remembered the day when they were training. i stood there and the salute command was given. seeing how they give their salute makes me so proud. it dawn to me that I LOVE THEM. they're my children.

therefore, i pray that this year, all of the marchers enjoyed themselves, especially debbie. i pray that debbie would not repeat the same mistake i made.